i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
