a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
