When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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