Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He better not be in your backpack
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
