Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
