Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
