I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
