She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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