he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
