and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
