look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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