Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize