On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
