I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
