I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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