Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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