Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
