I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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