I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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