I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
