I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
