She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
