I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize