mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
