Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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