and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize