dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
