After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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