Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
