Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dignity is for republicans.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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