I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
