Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
