dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
