dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Success! We fucked roommates!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
