I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
