I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
