my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
