I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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