nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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