There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
