I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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