I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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