i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
