I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
