Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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