I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
