i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
