he looks like a really good dad on facebook
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
