actually, I'm a sock model
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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