You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize