i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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