before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
