Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
