do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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