her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
