Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
