So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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