After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize