OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
