also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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