I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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