so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
