walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
