he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
