Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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