If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
