i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
