halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
